Life goes on.
I have ideas for other books: fiction and non-fiction.
The apartment is an ice box. I slept with gloves and a knit cap on. I do not buy a space heater because they are dangerous if not used properly and even then you risk carbon monoxide poisoning and house fires. Carbon monoxide is a colorless odorless gas so you should at the least install a carbon monoxide detector if you plan on using a space heater. I Googled space heaters dangers and found out they are the leading cause of fires in the winter. They should burn blue and not have an orange glow. They should be placed three feet away from anything combustible like papers books and towels. You should not leave them on overnight and especially not overnight in a bedroom. Do not place them close to bed linens.
A human space heater would be much preferable if you understand my drift.
Well: I did it--ordered a black cashmere sweater from Lands End. Luckily it was on sale. I had to throw out my wool black turtleneck because it had gotten worn and fluff stuck all over it. Yes I do not have the money to buy two cashmere sweaters.
The black pants need to be sent to the cleaners or else I could wear the beige sweater my aunt gave me for Christmas last year. I won't wear that sweater with jeans you see. Today I wear the denim trousers and red boots with a turtleneck and the long ivory cardigan. Yesterday I wore a pair of dark jeans and the red cotton hooded sweater with toggles. To see the guy I wore a black sweater and nubby tweed short skirt with patent loafers.
What do I know? In the long-term it doesn't matter what I wore on Tuesday.
Today I feel justified in buying the new sweater because it will replace the black turtleneck and enable me to wear the green wool jacket and the purple wool cardigan. A beautiful red version of the sweater was also on sale and had I not sprung for expedited shipping I could have bought the two cashmere crews.
All this is a distraction. I've decided to stop calling myself a dum-dum because it serves no purpose other than to make me feel crummy. Change is the order of the day. Yesterday is finished and gone. Today is a new day. Spending two hours in Starbucks talking to someone warrants a new tactic.
The look today will be all-American. Something I will pull off. Planning my outfits will keep me from drifting back to this other topic like I have a one-track mind. It has been swirled about for two hours in the spiral-bound notebook since I woke at four am from a dream. I dreamed I was in a hospital and placed on a stretcher and pumped full of drugs. Every so often I dream I'm in a hospital looking for the exit and I fear if I walk down the wrong hall I'll be locked up forever. Interesting.
The other apartments on the floor are cold as well and I heard the super can't do anything about this so I might have to tape my windows shut with some kind of heavy duty tape in the cold months.
Plan B: speed things up.
My friend assured me I was not a dum-dum even though it seemed I needed to have a neon sign flashing in front of me. She told me a guy courted her for a year before she realized what he was doing. They ate lunch together and went out to dinners and he sent her flowers and she had no idea he liked her.
Guys: if you're interested in a girl that way tell her, "I'd like to go on a date with you to a museum," not: "Would you like to go to a museum?" A modern independent woman is not going to connect the dots just because you're a guy and she's a woman.
Stories are rife of women who go on accidental dates not realizing the guy viewed her as a potential romantic partner. Let's face it: we might not be into you that way so don't be flattered if you ask us to a museum without asking us on a date and we decide to go.
Be clear about your intentions because some of us do need a neon sign flashing in front of our faces.
Well: I've gone there. Chime in if you can relate.
Now I'm at the bottom of the roller coaster after all this upward motion I've come crashing down and have no energy. I've written myself into a corner.
This is all I can give you. For now.
Peace and happiness,
New Tiny Sketches/Drawings - Filed under: African American, Art, colored pencils, Latina women Tagged: anti-racism, Holyoke, intolerance, Latina, Nonviolent Communication, racism, rest...
1 day ago