High Tide

Tonight's soundtrack: the Alternate Side via streaming audio on the Internet.

I suspect I can't listen to 90.7 FM on HD-3 [the Alternate Side all the time] because 90.7 FM comes in on my HD radio in analog station format. So I've been listening to this new music program from my computer.

Today's dilemma: I have yet to find a radio station station as good as radio sophie that broadcasts out of San Diego. The last time I tuned in to them via their website the streaming audio shut off after ten or fifteen minutes. This weekend I will see if I'm able to listen to radio sophie now. It is a beautiful radio station that plays Pink and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and India.Arie and Amy Winehouse. No strange music or rap or classic rock or heavy metal which is why I love it: the songs they play are upbeat and uplifting.

This weekend: I've spent the last three days in memory of that musical road I traveled down. I admire the brave young girl who chose music over madness and lived to conquer her schizophrenia by marching to her own drummer.

Each one of us will have our day in the sun.

Listening to the modern rock I feel such hope stirring inside me. Do I worry I won't find someone who understands my beat?

Music changes the chemistry of a person's brain. Why does this force act in a profound way-my search for good music to listen to? The musical landscape has changed.

Earlier in Starbucks I bought the Corinne Bailey Rae CD The Sea and I like her song "Paris Nights - New York Mornings." She is a Grammy winner that has her own style-I wouldn't call it jazz or blues or smooth-she is an original.

OK: I switched over to radio sophie via the Internet and I hope it will not shut off this time around. To be honest I like it much better than the Alternate Side.

Also: WFMU is too unusual for my liking although it is one of the pre-set stations on my new radio. I used to like some of the FMU disc jockeys in the 1990s like Bill Kelly on Sunday afternoons. He played good 1960s rock not the same pablum you'd hear on CBS FM.

Now Lenny Kravitz is on the radio and he suits me just fine. I really like his music. I have a compilation CD circa 1990 with his song "Mr. Cabdriver" that talked about how cab drivers would not stop to pick him up in New York City. I would hope that nonsense doesn't happen anymore.

I'm not the same person I was all those years ago. As long as I take the medication my brain is compensated so that it can act like a normal brain. I'm no longer in love with the weird: be it fashion or music. I dance in the light now.

So I wonder: would I tone down my ambition if I met someone? Unwittingly lose myself? I sure hope not. That is how I recovered: I found my voice. O. is not intimidated by me and has expressed admiration for everything I do.

I would like to buy the Rihanna CD Good Girl Gone Bad. She looks so beautiful on the cover. Also the India.Arie CD with the song "Therapy" on it.

Music has been for me a life force and forgive me if I come back to this ethic again and again in here. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Right now U2 is on radio sophie. I always like to listen to U2. They are to me classic rock because I came of age with the band in the 1980s. Bono is a great humanitarian in his own right. I will listen to the streaming audio until it's time to wind down for the night.

Have I been going around and around in here about this?

It is like I've wanted to reconcile then and now and have been musing on this lately. Now is the time for my memoir to be published. My story needs to be read.

I've decided to be okay with how I live my life. Certainly I'm not a strange girl though I've professed to be one numerous times in JM. That is why I have given up on the Alternate Side after twenty minutes. People change and that is a good thing. I'm unconventional not a non-conformist. That is how it is: my quirky brain-the one that tripped me up-is also capable of beautiful thoughts and words that inspire people.

I have put too fine a point on it with fashion as well via the idea that being ill-groomed is a way of putting yourself down. The connection between my loosening mind and my unkempt wardrobe I feel was significant also. It was the same way with the music: I was pulled down into the vortex of noise as my mind erupted into chaos.

The tide has gone out on that life.

Am I the only one obsessed with finding good music to listen to?

I want to meet someone who would understand this devotion.

The psychic said I would meet a lot of turkeys. She told me: "You're a diamond not a rhinestone." Even if I had the best turkey detector I understand that sometimes you have to practice with the turkeys before you find someone who is true blue.

Alicia Keys is on radio sophie now.

I will listen for maybe ten or fifteen minutes longer and then go work on my second job. So far the streaming audio has not shut off and I'm glad. I'm in heaven now.

Log on to www.radiosophie.com and click on listen if you want to hear what I consider to be the best radio station out there.

I will leave you now to either scratch your head in wonder or pull the cord as the light bulb goes off in your head. I'm hoping you can relate to my quest.

Good night.