Sunday, December 20, 2009


Ho! Ho! Ho! It's still snowing.

Up at six am I decided to wrap my Christmas gifts only I did so in a lopsided way. Even when I try to be neat I don't get up to speed and so today I just wrapped them as best I could which was not too good. A friend protests that my gifts most likely look beautifully wrapped and I let her believe that. Folks: I just don't care how they look as long as I get them wrapped in under a half hour. People spend five seconds tearing the paper off so it doesn't really matter if I'm not Martha Stewart in the Christmas wrapping department. I've tried, oh I've tried to make my gifts things of beauty, it just isn't happening.

I've begun writing Chapter Two of my second book and will continue tomorrow night.

I tell you the food at Bella Napoli is so good I want to go back on Wednesday with Oliver just so I can try the vongole with linguini. I'd get a salad beforehand to make the meal healthful.

Well: I tried on the short skirts and they fit even though they're a skimpy size. I really am a shrimp. A friend said I can get away with wearing skirts two inches above my knees exactly because I'm short. Tactic #1: short skirts.

OK: We go to Yaffa Cafe instead.

It's late and I couldn't sleep so I tootled around the Esprit website and bought a pair of black stretch jeans. Wish I could sleep. It's 3:04 am and another day has begun. Must go to sleep.


Oh: dearie my long black winter coat has a hole near the right side pocket and that just wouldn't do so while I was up I bought a green Calvin Klein coat to replace it. Feel the expense is justified because I don't want to wear out the other long coat that remains: the crimson AK Anne Klein one that my mother bought me seven years ago. Plus on top of that a short "pink punch" Jones New York coat to trade off with the teal Calvin Klein short coat.

I have become obsessed. With not wearing black or drab or muted colors.

Luckily I had some money coming in to pay for the coats.

I'm not going to walk around in clothes with stains or tears or holes. And anyway the long black coat I've had for five years already. It's also because the cold weather is here that I want to make sure to dress warm.

Pink Punch! I wondered if that would be too much yet why not stand out in a good way instead of blending in with all black or brown or charcoal?

This is where I'm at now: pink punch.

In just over one week the New Year begins and I have such hope for the coming year.

How do I know it's going to be a good one? I can only hope it will be.

For me it's a 3 Personal Year so I have the urge to reinvent myself or burst into bloom.

Right now as I type in here I'm envisioning flowers in a garden with their promise of beauty to the world in spring.

What do I know? You reach out. As best you can you reach out instead of going within all the time.

I'm reading a book by Terry Tempest Williams titled Finding Beauty in a Broken World. She has no faith in the cruel God that allowed Rwanda to happen whereas I don't hold God accountable. We are responsible for what happened: only humans. Jesus gave us the blueprint over a thousand years ago and we failed to heed his message.

John Mabry in his book The Way of Thomas believes that we are God and there's nothing separating us from our divine union with Christ. God entrusted us with the earth. I find it interesting that people expect God to save us from ourselves. We were created in God's image so it is up to us to live up to his expectations. Saying that God is responsible for cleaning up after our messes is a co-dependent way of looking at things.

I'm almost done with Finding Beauty and I recommend you read the book because that is what all of us are tasked with doing: making beauty out of ugly things. That is what I want to do with the schizophrenia: I hope to transform my pain into a thing of beauty for other people.

New coats, Rwanda, God: the stuff of this blog entry.

Certainly healing is the ultimate goal.

The world is broken. I ask myself now: What are you going to do to make things whole? For surely I can do my part. We can all do our part.

I cannot go there right now because it is too painful.

I trust none of our elected officials to do the right thing.

Some people say Copenhagen sparked no real cure for the climate crisis either.

I walk a fine line between pleased as punch and feeling we've been punched in the face.

Either way I will do just fine however I wonder about other people.

People who are homeless and need winter coats.

Those of us spending Christmas in a psych ward.

As if to curb my happiness I remember the bleakness.

We sit on the bleachers watching those in power pull the strings on us like marionettes.

The more I see how it is unvarnished and real I eagerly await the new coats to take warmth in during the coming cold months.

A frozen Statue of Liberty with no robe and a cold torch if memory serves adorned an advertisement for a winter coat drive.

I'm cold just thinking of this and it is getting late now so I'm going to wind down.

I hope it is warm where you are and that there is heat where you are.

Peace on Earth we need it now.

Peace to you tonight.

1 comment:

Christine said...

Travelled with your post ...from colours, textures, so personal aspirations and choices,to the wider worries for the way the world seems to be hurtling and hurting...
Very meaningful and 'human'
PS I love 'vongole'!
Chris UK