Saturday, December 26, 2009

And She Was

Today I wore the taupe ultrasuede vest my mother bought me for Christmas over the black wool turtleneck with the skinny jeans and black ankle boots.

My aunt gave me two $25 universal gift cards. Will possibly use it to buy a sweater in Loft. I have no room in the bedroom closet to hang anything else. Hanging up the new taupe vest in the closet is tight. A sweater I could place in the armoire on the shelf above the hanging rod.

Yes I could see how women would like more space to store more items yet I will resist that temptation. Tonight I will place the purple wool turtleneck in the donation bag unless I decide to keep it one more year. Next year I would like to buy some cashmere crew necks.

Most likely I will buy a new sweater with the gift card although really I don't need any new clothes. Tonight I hand wash a sweater that I had stored in the bottom drawer of the armoire. That's the drawer I use to store clothes that are waiting to be washed. See: how organized I am instead of keeping clothes out on a chair or dumped on the bed. I admit I'd toss clothes on the bed after wearing them rather than immediately place them back in the armoire or closet. Now I've cured myself of that habit. For now.

A chair or bed should not look like Fresh Kills-the largest landfill in the world. A columnist on the Internet espoused making your bed in the morning as an instant mood booster and that is the sure-fire way to feel on top of the world. We do not need litter all over the place. It is easier to dump clothes on a chair yet taking the time to place them back in the closet or drawer is the better habit to adopt.

I'm so happy now because two women have posted comments here. Thank you.

I understand now that I love sweets and that is my downfall. Tomorrow I will return to the gym. After I exchange Dad's sweater today I will buy a pair of cubic zirconia earrings to replace the missing pair. I lost one of the earrings. Will see about buying a bigger stud this time. Would love to buy a pair of diamond earrings.

The reality of gaining weight with Zyprexa and the other culprits cannot be dismissed. I'm lucky I was given Geodon the first time the psychiatrist tried me on an atypical. I will be the first to admit when I've gained weight because of my own excessive eating. I realize how much I weigh is under my control. I would have no one but myself to blame if I gained weight. Besides I'm 44 and my metabolism has slowed. I cannot eat as much as I used to in my early thirties. I certainly can't have tons of sweets.

The manufacturers of Zyprexa lied when it first hit the market and said it didn't cause weight gain. That was a bold-faced lie. At least with the other drugs the manufacturers were honest. Nobody should have to make the sanity versus vanity choice.


I dream of boots on the floor and making space in the closets. What can I expect of life in the next two years?

The Aveeno advertisement got it right: The best way to predict the future is to create it. I'm writing a new chapter in the book of my life .

I certainly don't want to go at a horse-and-buggy pace in a Zip Car world.

Only one thing I know: it is the end of the year and nothing can begin until January.


The pink punch short coat arrived and it fits me so I keep it. I modeled it for the women who told me I can keep the sleeves the way they are and don't need to hem them.

K. also suggested how to continue with things and she made perfect sense. We all have our own quirky needs and I can respect this. That is all I can tell you in here. I'm content to settle for Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. Cracker [the rock group] did a song called "Mr. Wrong" which was laugh-out loud funny you have to listen to it to appreciate it. A song about a guy with a porn collection and a rusted beat-up car. I used to listen to Cracker a lot in the 1990s. I have three of their CDs.

So what's it going to be? I do not know. I won't rule out anything.

All women surely would understand. It seems like a dream life-do I hold out for the dream? Or go my own way?

I cannot tell you now what I hope to happen a year from now. You will read about it in SZ magazine in the summer 2010 Living Life column.

Always I hold out this hope.

Tonight I have given you all I can: XMas rapping, the pink punch coat, an inkling of the future. Now I must bid you good night and scrutinize this blog entry to see if it is acceptable. Were I to publish my books I might feel differently about the content I include in here. For now I can only give you the personal made universal.

Like a note in a date book that sums it up:

December 26, 2009-

And She Was.


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