Friday, December 18, 2009

Playing for Change

The Cartier store facade is wrapped in holiday vines with white lights at Christmas. One of the expressions of cheer waving from their flags is Buon Natale or Merry Christmas in Italian. It is a thing of joy to look at that store. Alas the classic Cartier tank watch remains out of reach for most people.

The Esprit store had a 40 percent off sale and I have to return tomorrow because the jeans I bought today do not fit. 40 percent off is a decent savings.

Were I a young woman now I would shop in Esprit. I used to buy Esprit clothes from Macy's in the late 1980s. I had a Christmas red cotton sweater and mini skirts and a blue PVC oversize tote I would carry record albums in.

I tango with the memories and then exit the dance floor.

Today beautiful memories can be had for a song.

Dr. Altman told me I would know what to do and I wonder about that. I wore boots with two-inch heels on Wednesday night.

I'm reminded of the song that Grace Slick sang about how we all need and want somebody to love. I would dare say as human beings our greatest wish is to be loved back.

The Playing for Change CD had a great cover version of "All You Need is Love."

Dr. Altman told me not to be coy.

Last night I dashed off the spring 2010 Living Life column whose focus is about friendships. I would tell anyone who wants to make a connection with another person whether romantically or as a friend to just smile as appropriate and be yourself. It does no good to be false and put on an act. Yes it hurts to be rejected however that is life and you need to cry those tears and pick yourself up and try again.

That is the beauty of life: feeling what you feel and doing your best to rise above the pain and make something beautiful of your struggle.

I want to write that I was so taken by Pamela's blog entry on her fascination with the snow and the keys on her keyboard. The whole of success lies in seeing what's really there and not ascribing hidden meaning to things.

So as I type my own blog entries I understand that finding beauty in ordinary objects as if you're seeing them for the first time is a way to be young and treasure your life. No matter how hard it gets life is always worth living.

You take a risk to give up the delusions and not give the paranoia weight. I wrote about this in my first Living Life column in the winter of 2008: I wondered what it would be like when I didn't have the worry to fall back on.

Always take that risk and do so again and again because taking the risk is the sure-fire way to own your recovery. Now I've come on strong again and I know some people reading this blog entry or reading this blog for the first time will pound me with a pocketbook: "What if someone is unable to take a risk? How can Chris say it's simple?"

Listen: did I ever tell you it would be easy? Exactly. You simply take action and the more you take action the easier it will be. Susan Jeffers wrote the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway [an expression she copyrighted] in which she said that millions of people fear things like public speaking or doing other things yet they keep doing those things and it gets easier.

So there. Do not clunk me over the head with a pocketbook unless hundred-dollar bills are going to fall out of it. I rest my case: you see why I come on strong.

Not everyone is going to see it the way I do and that's OK. Each person has the right to select her perception of the world. [That's an Anais Nin quote I borrowed.]

So be it.


Alas the Esprit store did not have the jeans in my size so I bought a camisole instead and a black belt that cost less money total. It started snowing in New York City today. A cold wind blows.

Elizabeth Gilbert is quoted in O magazine: "There is hardly a more gracious gift that we can offer somebody than to accept them fully, to love them almost despite themselves." This from her new book Committed.

Her fiance made the analogy to a parcel of gemstones he would buy because of one or two flawless stones when the others were a bag of junk. He would ask, "Can I work with these? Can I make something out of this? Otherwise, you've just spent a whole lot of money on one or two gorgeous aquamarines buried inside a big heap of worthless crap."

We project our ideal self to another person in this dance. It's so easy to overlook the flaws of someone else when their selling points are like those flawless aquamarines. "Powder and paint make a woman what she ain't" goes the saying. Dare I say after three martinis you'll think a guy is a gemstone when he's deeply flawed?

It's the dance of life: meeting someone you're interested in and seeing where it goes. I have placed a hold on the Elizabeth Gilbert book.

We ate in Bella Napoli last night: four women. The waiter knows me because I dine there once a month and I have met Oliver there and now I brought the women. Good food and you can choose the vegetables instead of pasta with your entree for a healthful meal. For $15 you can get filet of sole and for $17 you can get shrimp and these selections are good. The next time I'm there I would like to try the vongole with linguini in white clam sauce. The clams are arranged on the plate in their shells.

The restaurant was crowded and cleared out at about the time we left. It was snowing outside in the evening and cold.

The tree was lit up in Rockefeller Center too.

It was a beautiful evening though I don't like the cold nor do I like the snow.

I have taken to wearing a gray knit cap to sleep at night. In my old apartment it was sometimes so cold I had to wear gloves to bed.

Just remembering the weather I'm going to wind down this blog entry so I can go find the wrap to wear in the apartment.


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