Rainy Day Melody

Last night:

I bought a tube of Mat10 Sephora lipstick to replace the old one. I needed the courage to face Dr. Altman. I told him I want to go back to school and I feared employers wouldn't hire me if they found out I had SZ. I said that at some point I would take down my web site.

To this he answered: "You have done remarkable. I wouldn't be so quick to discard that. You are a role model." He said I have time before I decide whether I apply to grad school.

As I rode home I wondered: could I get an MFA instead? We shall see what I do. I have nine years until it's time to make the move.

The caption to the clock tower in the photo for this week's entries in the appointment book reads: Time keeps bending on me here. Such is Tuscany.

In the rest of the world I'm reminded of Julie Morgenstern's comparison of the hours in a day to the contents of a closet. You can fit only so many items of clothing in a closet and there are only so many hours in a day in which to do things.

I've decided to break each day into zones like she suggests and schedule my activities so I can wind down by nine o'clock at night.

Listen: I know others who are getting degrees. All is not lost should I want to go back to school. I do not have to decide now. I realize my life could turn on a dime and things could happen quickly in the next nine years that will give me an idea as to what I'm able to do then.

So leading up to that next era I keep a cool head and keep my eye on the prize: publishing my two books. Everything hinges on publishing those books.

That is all I can do: only what I can do right now to attract a literary agent. I do not have a gimmick however I do have a platform which is what you need to sell a book.

Breaking my time into zones will help me be more productive. You can read Julie Morgenstern's book Time Management From the Inside-Out [the updated version] to get an idea about what she's talking about. I might just check it out of the library to read as a refresher.

I've been in recovery 23 years so I'm in my third decade living with the SZ. As you move along you have to be proactive and shift your focus as new challenges arise. That is what I'm doing now.

It gets better as the years roll along. Keep hopeful. I'm going to keep the faith that when the time comes I will make the right decision about school.

That's about all I have to tell you today.

You see: I can entertain these possibilities because I committed to taking the medication every day as prescribed. I will not take the risk to go off the meds again. That's the way I see it: I can link cause-and-effect when it comes to the things I'm capable of doing.

So I urge you: choose to stay on your meds.

Choose life.