Friday, January 9, 2009

Traveling Shoes

The blues are a pair of shoes you travel in, down roads in your life.

Sometimes you go down one road only to find out you've taken a detour.

Yet in life it is often the detours that are worth the trip. Only in retrospect do you realize they were necessary.

The rhythm of the blues is the beat of a drum now.

All kinds of blue weather: the economy, my living situation, other things.

On May 1st, I'll know if I'm moving out of this apartment or I'll remain here.

The closet project is underway. The under bed box arrived. I placed the box with the hangers on the highest shelf of the bedroom closet, which I want to paint a sky blue inside.

The next step is to buy the light-color pants to wear instead of jeans.

You see, this apartment isn't a hovel by any standards except my own. It's a lovely apartment and it would be nice if the landlord would make the needed repairs, so I risk her response when I ask her to fix things at the end of January. Right now I'm on vacation and don't want to talk to her about this, which is fine. The last resort is to contact the housing agency to see if they can strong-arm the landlord if she refuses. It's to her benefit to get the repairs taken care of, even if she doesn't see it that way because she tells me, "I cut you a break on the rent."

So it's all what it is, I wouldn't have been able to live here in the lean years unless she habitually went lower on the rent increase, as she has done. Now it's different, because if push comes to shove, I could move out, and she'd have to make the repairs before the next tenant comes in, so she's screwed either way.

The reality is, there's no bug problem, I have heat, the walls have cracks but no gaping holes, no rats, roaches or mice, and so the housing department will probably tell me to thank my stars I have an apartment under $900 in this economy. They'll laugh at me and send me on my way.

Would love to travel in June, far from this place, take a vacation, slip on my traveling shoes and beat the habitat blues.

The apartment could be so much nicer, really, if the landlord did things like replace the faucets in the kitchen and bath, re-glaze the tub, plaster the walls so they're smooth when I paint. That's the truth.

When my friend comes over on Sunday, I show her the closet and ask her if she thinks someone could paint it, would $100 cover that and then I'd buy the primer and the paint? I'll see, I'll ask around, I could possibly use the painter who painted a co-worker's apartment. To paint the closet is no big deal, one can of paint should do the trick, and I could have it done in early February. Why not?

The clothes themselves are another matter. As I wear out items, I'll replace them with Loft and Ann Taylor, and J.Jill for casual wear, like jeans. I'm tempted to buy a pair of dark jeans from J. Jill next week, so I'll wait and see how things go by the time I'm paid on Friday. I've spent $60 on vitamins and supplements, and $45 on drug co-pays, and these costs are out of my control.

At this point you'll tell me to look on the bright side, and so I will, of course.

Over 500,000 people lost their jobs in December. The unemployment rate is 7 percent. I heard Barack Obama speak on TV today, and he's the right person for the job. When he speaks, you can listen to him for more than five minutes because he's intelligent and articulate. I'm certain he won't let us down. He'll chart a course from which the next president has to steer.

We can't go back to business as usual.

Even I can't go back to the way things were in my life. My faith is my compass as I journey through these dark woods.

The landlord would be able to rent this apartment in a heartbeat to someone who doesn't care about the tub or the ceiling, as long as the rent is OK.

Well, I can't complain: I have a large kitchen with six cabinet doors behind which are three cabinets with three shelves, so I can store the dinnerware [two sets] and the glassware [martini glasses, fiesta glasses, champagne flutes, stemless wine glasses]. I also have space for the bowls and the Tupperware containers of rice and couscous.

So, you see, I have that along with a dining room as well as a living room, so that's not shabby, right? Exactly. How many people have all the housewares items I have? As a Taurus, I like to collect beautiful things for the home.

There, you know something new about me: I'm a Taurus, and I like to entertain.

So much to tell you. It's a distraction from everything else. That is a good thing, because on Thursday I see Dr. Altman. It's been too months on the higher dose. So far, so good.

Things can be changed if at first you decide to change them. It's been revealed to me what's not working. Life holds no guarantees. The tide could turn at any minute, in any area of our lives. It has gone out for me now. These are austere times, as they are for everyone.

I accept what I can't change, and change the things I can, and I'm wise enough to know the difference, as the saying goes.

Life goes on. Always, you do the best you can with what you're given. You have all the traits you need to succeed, right inside you.

Has this blog entry gone on and on? Would rather talk about my passions than about the emotional weather. I live for the day when I own my own co-op and can paint the walls and decorate and host dinner parties.

For now, I change my perceptions of this apartment because it really is OK to live here, all my friends love it. "And how many people in the City have a dining room?" Ana reminded me. And a kitchen with tons of cabinets.

You are amused by all this, perhaps.

You shake your head and wonder why it matters to me when I have a roof over my head and a job that won't go away.

Go on, laugh.

Love. Live. Laugh

That's all you can do. That's all anyone can do.

As we weather this financial storm, I hope you are OK, really, I hope you are OK.

All I can do is give you some joy. Open the front door to my life and welcome you to a bright spot in your day.

So I hope Joyful Music is truly a joy to read.


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