There's a guy, a good egg, remember that expression, "a good egg?" He calls up every so often and I invited him to my New Year's Eve party. Last night he wondered why I don't crack and I told him the medication works. It's one way to keep the sensitivity in check, yet I failed to mention the other facet: maturity. With the years, you develop a backbone or otherwise you're reacting to the real and imagined slights other people hurl at you instead of coping with it.
You're human, you were given tender feelings, and maybe with the SZ the feelings are in full bloom all the time, you're sensitive to what goes on. This is all the more reason to take the meds every day as prescribed. To seek balance. I take with a grain of salt when others [usually outsiders] criticize us for taking the SZ drugs because of the harm they do. Given the chance to achieve my goals in life versus not being able to function, the choice is clear, right? I'll risk my heart health. Isn't that the insensitive thing, to suggest we should choose psychosis as a way of life?
If our critics had a choice, would they choose psychosis? So why do they expect us to be OK with being barely able to function? It's our right to be healthy. Some critics believe it's a person's right not to take meds and live life as he chooses, even if that means the voices return or the delusions take over. Do these people really think there's something wrong with wanting optimal mental health? They should only know what it's like to have to choose.
Wow, listen to where this blog entry has gone so early in the morning.
I'm a good judge of character and I can tell a "good egg" from a rotten one. My intuition is solid. Of course I'll get revved up when someone implies, even in a subtle way, that sickness is an acceptable alternative to taking the medications. Or maybe I'll read into things because I'm so passionate about the benefits of the SZ meds.
Hey now, nobody criticizes people for taking diabetes drugs that cause heart attacks, do they? All drugs carry risks, it depends on what risk you're willing to take. The reality is, someone with diabetes has a ton of drugs she can take as alternatives, and people with SZ have a limited handful of good medications.
More drugs are coming on the market for us every year and so there is hope if one drug you take now causes weight gain or has a side effect. Change has come slowly yet it is coming here soon. Corlux is being investigated as a drug that can prevent and reduce the weight gain associated with Zyprexa. New drugs in the pipeline aim to reduce the cognitive deficits associated with SZ.
So there, I switched back to SZ and that goes against my better wishes yet sometimes it's possible it will benefit you. Analyzing things rather than getting worked up about them is what I strive to do when I devote air time to SZ in JM.
My intent with the Blog Roll is to give you the ability to listen in to other voices.
Sometimes, my words will blow like a weathervane in the direction of the wind.
Thus I hope you get some benefit. OK, I'm going on the record: I'm only human, I'm going to break my vow every now and again. Besides, computer text is in itself flat and each person reading it will interpret it in her own way. So when you see me go to the loom and weave in elements such as the SZ, feel free to chuckle and say, "There she goes again." La, la, la.
In one of the other blogs I link to, the blogger suggested people with SZ are expected to identify themselves with their symptoms as the automatic response to what happened to them.
Folks, that's the only thing I'm trying to say: if you are true to yourself, you will recover. You are not a schizophrenic, you are a person with traits and quirks, a personality all your own, with hopes and goals and dreams, and failures as well as successes, just like anyone, just like any human being who doesn't have SZ.
The blogs I link to are written by people who have the courage to be themselves, who get up every day and fight the good fight to live the kind of life they'd like to have.
Besides, a journal is a journey of days, and as such, one's sentiment can change day-by-day.
So please understand sometimes I will write something on Tuesday that I contradict on Saturday.
Now I will gracefully segue into the quotidian:
The pants will be returned tomorrow as I don't want to take the train into the City today. Instead, I run to the bank and do my laundry, and go to the gym later.
In New York City, we've had North Dakota weather all this week. It's supposed to be only 20 degrees today, so I'll dress in layers to keep warm. Tonight it goes down to 6 degrees. Brrh.
A good egg gave me the recipe for perfect scrambled eggs: keep beating the eggs in a bowl to fluff them up before pouring them in the skillet. A favorite dinner I used to cook a couple years ago was something I called an "egg scramble": an egg omelette mixed with cheese that always came out a scrambled mess, yet tasted so good.
Today I will cook an egg scramble for lunch in honor of the guy who is a good egg. I'm not as good a cook as he is. Heck, I tell people I can't cook, yet I do, even if I consider cooking chicken and brown rice and a vegetable to be hardly anything. Some people are truly challenged in the kitchen and consider bringing home sushi a culinary event. More power to them. I will always profess I can't cook, but who am I kidding?
My mother could've opened up an Italian restaurant, she is such a good cook. Alas, I didn't inherit her love of cooking. I cook dinner only because it's necessary in order to stay healthy. I do what's easy instead of using recipes with 10 ingredients. I hyperventilate when I read cookbooks because they're overwhelming. The only one I loved, which is long out of print, is Verdure, a slim Italian vegetables recipe book with fresh, simple offerings.
In my hands, a whisk is a weapon of kitchen destruction. I once bought a whisk thinking I would use it [wishful thinking] and finally donated it to Sal's years later when I realized I would never bake a cake, or do anything remotely needing a whisk.
OK, I'm writing in here to delay going outside. Must buckle down and get ready to brave another day of frightful cold. Luckily it's sunny outside, without a breeze.
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