Hola

Good morning.

I've read a book that I want to recommend: The Everything Health Guide to Schizophrenia. It's billed as the latest information on treatment, medication, and coping strategies. Chapters detail warning signs, symptoms, causes, types of schizophrenia, treatment options, medication, what you can do to aid recovery and success stories. It is under 300 pages and the size of a small hardbound journal. It is one of the most practical and hopeful guides that I've read about this medical condition.

You can read it at home. You can take it on the train. You can read it waiting in your psychiatrist's office. It's supposed to be for caregivers yet don't let that dissuade you from reading the book as it is equally useful for those of us diagnosed with SZ.

The author is Dean A. Haycock PhD. He talks about cognitive therapy too. The Chapter on What You Can Do to Aid Recovery is helpful for caregivers and provides clear advice for helping your loved one set goals and rise above the stigma that exists even today.

It really is a caregiver's book however I wouldn't rule out reading it yourself or recommending it to someone who does have a loved one diagnosed with schizophrenia. It's a useful first guide to helping your loved one or helping yourself.

______________________________


I have been up since the early morning light.

I've decided to focus in JM on the schizophrenia with a twist: do it in my own way.

One thing I've talked with another woman about is the need to develop friendships when you have SZ. That seems so simple. I would also recommend volunteer work or paid employment or going to school to educate yourself so you can get a job or for self-improvement. It was said that people diagnosed with this condition need job coaches who can help them navigate the world of work. Truly I had to do this on my own because at the time I obtained my first job I had no support and no friends who were also working at a full-time job.

So friendships become the first line of defense in living with SZ and you branch out to volunteer work or work or school. I also cannot stress the benefit of living independently if you can function well enough to do this. In The Everything Health Guide to Schizophrenia it suggested you set goals that enable you to function like taking showers or cooking dinner.

Only a car goes from 0 to 60 in three seconds. I know from firsthand experience that in the early years of your recovery you will often make modest gains not achieve daring feats. You will not go from 0 to 60 in your recovery within three months or even three years. I would tell you to give yourself the gift of a lifetime in which to recover.

I can tell you this because it took me 20 years to get to this point. So I urge you to keep hopeful. I do believe things get better with time. In April 2007 I started taking the Geodon and within three days I noticed a great improvement and three years later I had better results.

So you start out with the premise that recovery is not quick and it is not easy. I've outlined my ideas about the process of setting three-year treatment goals in a SharePost at SchizophreniaConnection. I feel three years is an ideal time frame for this kind of thing. Some goals will take longer and others you will achieve sooner yet three years is realistic and generous for most goals if you ask me. Always attach a completion date to a goal and know that this date can be changed in the future if you approach it without any success.

Here's the link to setting treatment goals: http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/120/30496/treatment and the one to measuring recovery gains: http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/120/37007/measuring.

Even though the woman quibbled about how friendships are given the most importance as a tool for recovering from schizophrenia I believe this is at least the second most important tool. The first order of the day after you are diagnosed with schizophrenia is to boost your functioning. My number-one tool for recovery was finding the job I love and I recommend this to you as a possible treatment goal that will change your life dramatically.

This is about all I want to write about right now as I have to attend to things in the apartment.

One last thing I will say: I find it interesting how the Sundance catalog markets its products. I bought a brass ring called a camaraderie ring because it was supposed to signify eternal friendship. Really I bought it because it has a satin finish and will complement the Banana Republic brass tone necklace I bought last year. The ring has two bands and luckily when it arrived I tried it on and it fit.

I admit it: the marketing strategy pulled me in.

This Sunday I'm going on a picnic and will wear the ring.

So I'm going to close out here by suggesting you reach out to other people and risk rejection.

There is someone out there for you.

Happy

Good morning.

You'll see I've attached a Nelson Mandela quote as the header of this blog.

I feel there can be no shame in living with schizophrenia. No hesitancy to trumpet our lives. That's where the PR starts. Our stories are worth telling because we lived them.

I'm reminded of men in business who think the world revolves around them and who think they're supremely important people. Why can't people diagnosed with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses feel good about themselves too?

It's hard when the stigma is alive and kicking. To that I say the best defense is to "be brave and live your life."

Elanor Roosevelt is quoted: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

So I would tell you not to give stigma any weight. It will only serve to limit your perception of what you can do if you carry the stigma with you wherever you go.

I'm not saying it's easy to give stigma the boot. I found out the hard way when I discontinued the Stelazine and had to be hospitalized again.

The true cost of stigma can't be measured however it indirectly influences so much: whether a person seeks help and whether she feels she's capable of striving for something better.

______________________________


The cost of success is that sometimes living with schizophrenia can be painful. When you have the insight that you are different it can be painful to realize. I'm aware that the price of beauty can be pain.

I dedicate this blog entry to everyone who has fought so valiantly to achieve their goals.

Right now I'm not sure what the answer is only I remember the expression: "when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." I have been engaging in retail therapy like there's no end in sight.

I doubt I will ever not care how I look because the truth is I want to be taken seriously. So you will find me planning my outfits and coordinating jewelry to match my outfits.

I can't say this doesn't matter to me because it does.

Also: I treated a friend to dinner for his birthday. We ate in the Spanish restaurant.

That is the answer: to do the things that give you joy.

To understand that sometimes what goes on is all in your head. When the reality of what's really going on contradicts the scenario you envisioned that is when life is painful. It is when you realize that you have schizophrenia and this will always be true.

So you walk in the neighborhood where you pop into the Tibetan store and you buy a ring that is a round clear green stone encircled by silver.

You realize that soon your money will run out.

Until then you can hope that someday it will be better.

You are not alone. Surely you are not alone.

Another day dawns.

A day to rejoice and be glad that God has given you this day.

So you live your life you love your life.

Happy.

Rebel

This is the day: today. We have only one day. Today. It's the only day that matters.

The concept of spring cleaning resonates with me now. I have a pile of folded pants and jeans on the floor next to my bed waiting to be steamed free of wrinkles. The winter comforter was replaced with the Asian floral bed spread and matching shams.

It is supposed to be 82 degrees today. I wear a long brown skirt, white tee shirt with rosettes, and a tiny brown cardigan. The John Hardy style ring. The new matte oval earrings I bought in Boston.

Already: I would like to not wear the boyfriend jeans outside of the apartment. They have tears in them the intended effect yet suddenly I feel like a slob wearing them in public. Which will happen when you wear them with a tee shirt.

Do you see?

It is time to retire the jeans and the black cropped jeans. I can wear them inside with my creativity tee shirt when I'm doing my writing. I call the tee shirt my creativity tee shirt because it is taxi cab yellow and has a taxi on the front and in the back it lists the charges for a ride in a New York City cab. To me that kind of yellow is a creative color. Thus I wear the tee shirt to be inspired to write.

The memories will always creep in: how you seem normal yet your mind is tearing, slowly, your sanity the perforated edge. You will remember everything that happened for as long as you live.

The time has come to let go and let life tell you what you are supposed to do.

Even now: another memory. You cannot divest yourself of the memories just yet.

Does it matter? Yes it does: I could masquerade as a normal person while inside my mind I was not well.

Do you need proof? Read my memoir, Left of the Dial, when it's published. You will see the song remains: the after tune as I near however remotely my crone or wise woman years.

When all else fails: lipstick.

I bought myself a tube from the MAC store: Rebel.

Tomorrow I wear my contact lenses and the rebel lipstick. A sign: I live my life left of the dial.

You are young.

The music matters.

The clothes are all you have.

I remember the summer of sadness when I realized that life was gone: the record had ended and the needle returned to its place.

Now I listen to Matt Pinfield spin music on a Saturday night. You can hear him streaming live on 1019RXP.com from eight to midnight too. He might even play your request.

Another lipstick I like is Viva Glam 3 and I might go back for that when one of the lipsticks I own now is done with. I bought the C3 Studio Fix foundation compact with the gift card C. gave me for my birthday.

So tomorrow I get dolled up to go out.

It seems irrefutable: you can recover from schizophrenia. Most people do.

I take nothing for granted. I live knowing that the tide could turn again. I do everything possible to live life well while I'm fortunate enough to have this life.

You are given only one day: today. The future will take care of itself. You must live for today.

Only this matters: to cheer people while you're here.

Am I a rebel? Possibly. I have a different way of looking at things. Long ago I went down a road that most people diagnosed with schizophrenia would not go down. That made all the difference.

To quote Lorene Carey: when there is no road you make a road. Do I remember this quote right? We learn by going where we have to go.

I will always hold out the hope that people living with schizophrenia can do well. Make no mistake about it I didn't choose this life: it was the life given to me. It is not entirely my own to do with as I please.

Only this is how I succeeded: I will tell you this secret: I was a rebel. I rebelled the life that was expected of someone in my situation.

I hope by reading this blog you are so inspired to dream.

Now I will go sign off.

Enjoy your night.

Worth Our Salt

Good morning.

I realize I haven't written in here in a while. I debate taking down the blogs altogether unless I can find topics for 30 blogs and write them out and then type them as I go along.

The debate is whether to be vocal as I know I will have critics. What can I tell you? I'm not a fan of peer-run respite care because I feel peers should be paid what they're worth and right now most peer advocates are paid minimum wage. When did it become acceptable to cut costs by paying peers minimum wage? Other professionals wouldn't dare be paid $7.60 per hour: they would draw a salary commensurate with their training and experience.

So when people say peer-run respite care will save millions of dollars I wonder if that's the best way to curb the rising cost of mental health care. For one: the U.S. government should regulate the price of prescription drugs. Nobody taking an atypical should have to pay hundreds of dollars a month on her drugs. This is the true inflated cost that causes mental health treatment to reach in the billions. The second reason for this figure is the revolving door syndrome: where peers revolve in and out of the hospital because they fail to take their medication. The cost of untreated mental illness in the form of people getting tossed in jail is another huge indirect cost of mental health care.

Now you see. Don't tell me that the cost of an inpatient hospital stay accounts for the bulk of fiscal mismanagement when it comes to treating people diagnosed with mental illnesses.

Pay peers what they're worth and not a penny less. That's the way I see it.

I'm not proud that other professionals tout the minimum wage of peers as the greatest cost-saving device in mental health care. This reinforces the stigma that prevents us from being given an equal role in society.

Besides everyone knows there are psychiatrists and MSWs who aren't worth their salt so until peers are paid equally I don't think we should accept minimum wage if we are worth our salt as advocates.

There. You see.

A wise woman told me the other day: "Don't be yourself for other people, be yourself for you." As in: help yourself first. There's a knee-jerk reaction that people who have recovered must become peer advocates. I will tell you: do what you want to do not what other people tell you to do. There's a job out there for you and it might not be as a peer advocate.

The dilemma with a peer being paid minimum wage to be an advocate is that she becomes a member of the working poor.

The solution is to be paid what we're worth as advocates.

Comments?

3:21 P.M.

Hello.

Right now I'm working on the manuscript and attending to selling the memoir to a publisher so I have to keep what I do under wraps except to let you know the publication date so that you can go to the bookstore and buy Left of the Dial.

I"m reading a heartbreaking yet hopeful memoir Keeping the Feast written by Paula Buttarini. She is an Italian American woman who used food to heal. She lived in Rome and walked to the Campo Dei Fiori to buy fresh fruits and vegetables and bread every day. The name is Field of Flowers in English.

My Italian is rusty so I would like to buy the Rosetta Stone software and get back up to speed. I studied the language as a young woman and used to be fluent.

When I traveled to Italy I spoke it well enough to talk with the waiters and shopkeepers and open air market vendors. I bought at the flea market in Sienna a napkin holder for the equivalent of $5. Quanto costa? Cinque lire.

News: I have decided to go back to school for an MFA when I'm 55 and publish fiction. The MSW is not the option I choose to pursue right now.

Things are rolling along with the memoir.

I have a Twitter account: ChristinaBruni and I post my SchizophreniaConnection blog entries there so do surf over I'd love you to read what I write. Today I post the Mental Health Awareness Month SharePost. It will be uploaded about seven o'clock tonight.

This is all I can give you right now.

I went to the new salon for a haircut and it was hot hot hot outside so I have no energy to continue writing in here. The apartment is cooler yet I'm not going to bumble about Joyful Music with no destination in mind.

Have a Happy Day!