R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Good evening.

Did I tell you what Eckhart Tolle wrote in his book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose? He said you can accept your life as it is even while you work to change it for the better. Years ago I couldn't accept the SZ and as a result it was in full bloom. It all comes back to fighting stigma. Yes, I consider myself a mental health activist. In my own way I advocate for myself and others. There is no right or wrong way to be an advocate. You just have to be passionate about the cause.

I have no room for anger in my life.

At some point early on you wind up being angry you have SZ yet over the years you reconcile this and move forward to embrace a different future.

A goal I want to achieve has hit with the force of a hurricane. I talk with T. about this on Monday. I do it as long as it doesn't interfere with my work finding a literary agent. Next weekend I query 10 agents.

D wants to take walks in Central Park so I will call him in two weeks to plan a time to meet. Today I did the treadmill and used the lower body machines. Tomorrow I do the treadmill and Sunday I do the upper body machines. I do what I can do and that will be OK.

To quote the Marsha Sinetar book title, "Sometimes enough is enough."

It all comes down to flying under the radar. I realize I don't live up to society's expectations. I tell no one about the diagnosis. I work hard so that others don't have an excuse to criticize my performance. Some kind of protection exists and that is true.

This is how I see it: I expect respect. That is what a woman told me years ago. If you anticipate being discriminated against you might not risk finding work or going to school. We give stigma the boot by being true to ourselves. I would like to see a national campaign like the subway advertisements with photos of people diagnosed with mental illnesses and the caption: Treatment Works. I was riding the B train 10 years ago and saw this advertisement and thought it was just beautiful. Real people giving real hope.

I have more to do while I'm here and when it becomes clear to me what I must do I will do it. For now I work on publishing the memoir and promoting it.

The April 21, 2009 New York Times reviewed a British television show, "How Mad Are You?" The reporter wondered if anti-stigma media campaigns work. A 2006 article in the Psychiatric Services journal suggested, "Education produces short-term improvements in attitudes, but the magnitude and duration of improvement in attitudes and behavior may be limited."

Keith Humphreys, a psychologist at Standford University, made the analogy to 19th-century Americans' initial hostility towards Irish, Italian and Jewish immigrants. "Aversion did abate after time, not because of campaign advertising but because these immigrants succeeded in America-and nothing destigmatizes like success."

The Times article went on to say that altering public attitudes towards people diagnosed with mental illnesses depends to a great deal on whether they receive treatment that works:

"Imagine poor psychotic souls cowering in doorways, shuffling along in stinking rags or aruging loudly with themselves in the park."

We need better PR:

"No matter how sympathetic the public may be, attitudes about people with mental illness will inevitably rest upon how much or how little their symptoms set them apart."

Oh, I instinctively knew this when I lived in the halfway house and was determined to find a full-time job so that I could live on my own and rejoin the world.

That is why I feel I owe it to myself and to others to take the medication every day as prescribed and to work on my recovery.

As long as my symptoms are treated and under control, I will be able to serve society in the way God intended. This is what it comes down to: I believe in my vision that people can recover from schizophrenia.

One thing: some of us will talk loudly to ourselves, or wear Christmas coats in August, or do other odd things. I'm not suggesting that everything is under our control and we should conform to society's roles in order to be taken seriously or given compassion.

I'm reminded of how Steve Lopez, the LA Times reporter, befriended Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, the homeless man with schizophrenia. He saw potential in him where others did not. The New York Times article hinted that the public is unwilling to fund treatment for people with mental illnesses because it's perceived treatment doesn't work.

That's why I tell you not to call yourself a schizophrenic: it reinforces helplessness.

Who are you?

Define yourself in your own terms. It could be hard to like the life you live now and that's OK; you can still like yourself. You are not your circumstances; you are entitled to respect and dignity no matter where along the road of recovery you walk.

You are a child of God.

To quote Nelson Mandela:

"We were born to make manifest the glory of god within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others."

Shine on brave traveler.